When it's real

You always hear first-time parents talking about when the new baby "became real" to them.

When I saw the third positive home pregnancy test, it became real.

When I got the positive result from my doctor, it became real.

When I was throwing up for months, it became real.

When I saw the baby on the ultrasound, it became real.

When I heard the baby's heartbeat, it became real.

When I felt the baby move, it became real.

When I saw the baby moving from the outside, it became real.

When I set up the crib, it became real.

When I named the baby, it became real.

Here's the thing -- it keeps becoming real, over and over again. It will be real when the labor begins, and it will be real when the baby is in my arms. It will be real the first time I breastfeed her, and it will be real when the front door closes behind us after we've returned home.

Can something become "more real"? Does reality fade between wake-up calls?

Sometimes I wonder if it will ever truly be real, this child my partner and I have created. But maybe that's the nature of parenthood. Perhaps life becomes surreal when you become a parent.